Friday, August 8, 2014

Things I'm Afraid to Blog About



I've been seeing this around the blogworld. I noticed it last winter when Kym from Travel Babbles wrote hers. Which is amazing and can relate with her on some levels. I want to be more open on this blog but have been struggling with that lately. 

Sometimes I wish Gary didn't work in the sports industry. I wish he would get a "regular" 9-5 job. I know he would make SOO much more money. Believe it or not front office staff doesn't get paid much for the long hours that they put in. 

I wish I still worked in the sports industry. During my first internship in Asheville I found out I was pregnant (later miscarried), but I left that internship to be closer to Gary. I often wonder "what if." 

I want this blog to be more successful and wonder why it's not as successful as other blogs. (I know why but I wish I was more successful here.)

I struggle with anxiety and depression. I haven't really blogged about it or really acknowledged it to my family. Mostly because I feel like they wouldn't believe or try to tell me I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Which leads to more panic and anxiety attacks when they aren't around. 

I feel like a failure. I'm 31 and feel like I don't have much to show for my life. Yes, I'm married with an amazing puppy. But I feel because I don't have a career (because I move every 18 months), and don't have any kids then I suck at life. I know that's a little exaggerated but that's how I feel sometimes. 

I'm the heaviest I have ever been and hate getting dressed in the morning. I hate actually going out in public because I wear track shorts and big t-shirts all the time. It's actually really annoying because I want to be skinny again. 

I have actually never felt comfortable in my own skin. Growing up I was CRAZY skinny and people use to pick on me or think that I had an eating disorder because. Nope, I just had a really highly metabolism. Now that I am a grown up I wish I had that but now it has slowed down and I eat like shit. So the above problem is my fault which pisses me off as well. 

I hardly trust anyone. I can probably name them all on one hand. In the past I have trusted people and got burned so it kinda takes a while for me to trust people. 

I have a problem with perfect. It can be so bad that I am afraid to make a mistake. When I do make a mistake I feel like I'm going to fired or in trouble. 


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14 comments :

  1. I was talking to my friend a couple weeks ago about our expectations for ourselves. It's funny because now that we're both in our late twenties, we expect to have checked off all these boxes (marriage, kids, career, money, house etc). I don't know where these expectations come from but it starts to feel like, woah were did the time go and why am I not further ahead. But I think when you stop and appreciate the little things, like a successful relationship or a passionate hobby than we start to realize we have accomplished a lot and maybe our previous expectations were unrealistic. Thanks for sharing Jessa. I hope you find the contentment you're looking for xx

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  2. I'm with you on a few of these. Thanks for sharing!

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  3. I like this. It has to feel good to put all this out there. I'm going through some of these too and am afraid to speak up. I am the heaviest I have ever been, I feel super uncomfortable but don't have the motivation to do something about it. I know it is affecting all of me but whatever. Do you want to motivate each other, work together to make each other feel better?

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  4. i'm working on this too. Shane at Whispering Sweet Nothings did it last month and i've been sitting on my draft since then. i think about this post everyday but it's a tough one to write. i'm glad that you did it too, gives me another little push :)
    and i'm with you on more than half of these, so you're not alone <3
    xo

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  5. I'm close to thirty, divorced and not much of a "career". Who says thats what you need to be successful? There's more to life.

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  6. Those are really heavy topics, but the more blogs I read and the more people that I talk to, the more I realize that a ton of people deal with those issues--including me. Sometimes that makes me feel better to know that I'm not alone, but other times, it just doesn't affect how I feel at all. (Oh and I hate the cyclical nature of panic attacks and depression, too!) Hugs!

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  7. I agree with what Sarah said -- I think a LOT of people struggle with a lot of these issues. I haven't ever blogged about them, but a lot of what you just wrote could easily apply to me as well. You are definitely not alone! Us blogging friends will always be here if you need someone to turn to! *hug*

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  8. Such a brave post! I think we all deal with feeling like failures from time to time. I know I do. I see so many people living their dreams, while I sit at home most of the time (I work from home). It's easy to feel like you're failing when you have a vision of what your life is suppose to look like, but in reality everyone's life is different. And success is a very personal thing. It has a different meaning for everyone depending on the life they desire. So I think it's important to figure out the life you want to live.

    I also struggle with feeling comfortable in my own skin from time to time, but beauty isn't tied to a number on the scale. You are beautiful no matter what size or weight you are! :) I hope you are able to find your joy .. one day at a time. :) I'm always here to vent to... It sounds like we share a lot of the same emotions.

    BTW I love your blog you're doing great!

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  9. Thank you so much!! I really appreciate it..

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  10. We all struggle and some days are better than others. It's such a great reminder. I love all the blogging friends I have made.

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  11. I love being more open on the blog. I just wish I could get out of my own way to write about them more.

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  12. You should totally post it. I love where your blog and youtube station are going.

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  13. I think we need to motivate each other and also get out of our own way.

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