Friday, July 8, 2016

What I Won't Write About

Since deciding to come back to blogging I have been doing a lot of thinking about what I want and don't want to blog about. I have read tons of blog posts from various bloggers of all styles, genres, demographics and I am more confused than I was before to be completely honest. Some say I have your niche while others say be a lifestyle blogger and don't pigeon hole yourself into one thing. It can be quite a lot at times.

I don't think I could blog about anything and everything anymore. I do think the things I want to blog about could be in clumped into categories and subcategories. But there will always be things that I could never blog about it. It's not a dig at other bloggers who do blog about these things because I love them but it's my cup of tea.

I could NEVER EVER EVER be fashion blogger UNLESS it's t-shirts, sweats, and hoodies then I could rock those all day long. 90% of the time my hair is pulled up in a ponytail or high bun. I can't accessorize at all and have no sense of fashion. When I had a "big kid job" where I had to be business professional I wore a lot of suits with a solid shirt underneath. I owned (probably still do just in storage) every cut of shirt. V-neck. Scoop neck. Regular. Every style and most colors. 

I might post about our trying to save money or debt but I can't bring myself to put real numbers out there. This is blog about is me while I may mention Gary from time to time but I just don't feel comfortable putting real numbers out there. Erin did a great series on getting debt free and I LOVED it. It was for sure something that I got a lot from, and I admire them for putting the exact numbers out there. 

I love being crafty, and I even posted a lot of it on here. I had several DIY posts in the works but it's a lot of work. For me I tired to create everything just perfect because it was going on my blog and it had to be great. And when it wouldn't work out I feel like I failed, and looking back I didn't but was putting way to much pressure on myself. I still knit and crochet from time to time and not as much as I would like it probably won't be a stable here.

I know there is probably more that I won't write about it but that's all I can think of right now. What won't you write about? 

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Wednesday, July 6, 2016

An Unexpected Break

I am back to blogging.. Or at least I think I am or hope. When I moved to Iowa back in November I had every intention of blogging and do it consistently.

I want to be transparent with the reason I took the break is because a lot of people where taking what I said too personally. I swear every single post someone thought it was about them. It was frustrating because these are my feelings and thoughts. I am entitled to them. With a majoring of the posts either husband or I was getting calls or texts about my blog post and who was it about, why is she saying this or that.  We would say the same thing over and over, which was. "This is her space. It's her thoughts. Gary would say I read the post before she posted it. She didn't mention anyone's name or quote anyone. If you took something personally maybe you are guilting of doing it." We really thought about getting it tape recorded because we got so tired of saying the same thing over and over. 

I took a break because I was so defeated and tired of having to defeat something I wrote. It just got to be enough. So I took a little break. I would write a few posts then not posted them out of fear of who is going to take insult next or how could this get turned back to my fault. I am very much peace keeper for a long time but it really caused me a lot of stress in my life because I wasn't always the wrong one sometimes that other person would be but I would try to keep the peace and take the fall. I'm not about that anymore. I am not going to apologize for things that aren't my fault or how I feel. I

This is my blog. This is my space. I AM going to write what is going on my life. I never come here to point fingers at anyone. I just write about my feelings. I use to say apologize a lot, even for things that weren't my fault or I had no association with because I didn't want anyone to hurt or be in pain. In the past I would quickly apologize for having these feelings. For a long time I fellt like my feelings weren't important or valued. I would have my feelings hurt and told to get over it or it really isnt' that big of deal. I was told that I was showing off and needed to stop because it made others uncomfortable or being a brat. I never felt like my feelings were acknowledged. 

Now I really don't care so much because I know my intention with this space and my life. At the end of the day did I bring myself closer to God and was it best for my family (Gary and Heisman). Really that all that matters. The rest is just noise. 

Also I feel like I should blog about everything anyway. Even if I would write in a notebook (Which use to be my favorite things I love new pens and a notebook) someone would read it anyway. So why not write it online for everyone to see so we can all be all the same page and things can't get messed up through a fun and exciting game of telephone. 

I hated taking the break. I hated not writing. I hated letting people have that much control in my life to determine what I was going to do. I hated having to apologize for my feelings yet they wouldn't apologize for the things they said when they hurt my feelings. I hated the double standard in our life.  I hate living in the fear of why everyone took what I said so personally. I hated life. I basically shut down and became num to everyone. I wanted to be in the shadows and didn't want to get noticed at all. 

Now I am back to blogging. I'm not sure the direction that I will go back I am looking forward to being back and writing. I am so thankful for all the emails and messages while I was on my "break." It really meant a lot. 

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